Rude Epiphany!

I got this e-mail forwarded to me through my humor channels…

Subject: The Birk Economic Recovery Plan

I’m against the $85,000,000,000.00 bailout of AIG. Instead, I’m in favor of giving $85,000,000,000 to America in a We Deserve It Dividend.

To make the math simple, let’s assume there are 200,000,000 bona-fide U.S. Citizens 18+. Our population is about 301,000,000 +/- counting every man, woman and child. So 200,000,000 might be a fair stab at adults 18 and up..

So divide 200 million adults 18+  into $85 billion that equals $425,000.00.

My plan is to give $425,000 to every person 18+ as a We Deserve It Dividend.

Of course, it would NOT be tax free. So let’s assume a tax rate of 30%.

Every individual 18+ has to pay $127,500.00 in taxes. That sends $25,500,000,000 right back to Uncle Sam. But it means that every adult 18+ has $297,500.00 in their pocket. A husband and wife has $595,000.00.

What would you do with $297,500.00 to $595,000.00 in your family?
Pay off your mortgage – housing crisis solved.
Repay college loans – what a great boost to new grads
Put away money for college – it’ll be there
Save in a bank – create money to loan to entrepreneurs.
Buy a new car – create jobs
Invest in the market – capital drives growth
Pay for your parent’s medical insurance – health care improves
Enable Deadbeat Dads to come clean – or else

Remember this is for every adult U S Citizen 18+  including the folks  who lost their jobs at Lehman Brothers and every other company  that is cutting back. And of course, for those serving in our Armed Forces.

If we’re going to re-distribute wealth let’s really do it…instead of  trickling out  a puny $1000.00 ( ‘vote buy’ ) economic incentive that is being proposed  by one of our candidates for President.

If we’re going to do an $85 billion bailout, let’s bail out every adult U  S Citizen 18+!

As for AIG – liquidate it.
Sell off its parts.
Let American General go back to being American General.
Sell off the real estate.
Let the private sector bargain hunters cut it up and clean it up.

Here’s my rationale. We deserve it and AIG doesn’t.

Sure it’s a crazy idea that can ‘never work.’

But can you imagine the Coast-To-Coast Block Party!

How do you spell Economic Boom?

I trust my fellow adult Americans to know how to use the $85 Billion  We Deserve It Dividend more than I do the geniuses at AIG or  in Washington DC .

And remember, The Birk plan only really costs $59.5 Billion because $25.5  Billion is returned instantly in taxes to Uncle Sam.

Ahhh…I feel so much better getting that off my chest.

Kindest personal regards,

Birk

T. J. Birkenmeier, A Creative Guy & Citizen of the Republic

Only problem, the math doesn’t pan out. $85bil (that is, $85,000,000,000) divided by 200mil (200,000,000) comes out to only $425, not $425,000.

He was met at the pearly gates by none other than St. Peter, who proceeded to give him a tour of the wonders of heaven.  The Texan, however, was not impressed.

St. Peter showed him the most beautiful rivers, and the Texan said that they were bigger in Texas.

St. Peter revealed to him the majesty of mountains, but the Texan reminded him that they were just as good, if not better, back in Texas.

St. Peter showed him the glory of the stars (they shine brighter in Texas), the enormity of the sunrise (you haven’t seen it until you’ve seen it in Texas), and the simple wonder of a doe and a fawn drinking at a lake at sunset (reminiscent of Lake Texarkana, only not as pretty).

There was nothing St. Peter could do to overcome the man’s opinion of his home state.

Finally, St. Peter took the Texan right out to the edge of heaven, and they both looked down.  From there one could see all the way down into Hell.  They could see the fire and the brimstone and the agony ad infinitum. It was a horrific sight.

St. Peter then said, “Well? What do you think about that? Have anything like THAT down in Texas?”

The Texan replied, “No sir, we don’t — but I know a couple old boys down in Houston who will put that out for ya.”